I know I’ve been MIA for quite some time. Life happens, unfortunately. I have been blessed to recently gain a social life and nagged by the writing of a new book. It’s a slow process, but I think it’s going to be “the book”. My mental health is up and down as to be expected and this blog seems to be forced to the back burner time and time again. This is my attempt to bring it back to life! I am no Dr. Frankenstein, but I think a few shares and maybe we can get it hopping again. We need to continue to spread awareness of mental health issues and kick stigma in the ass!
Speaking of stigma, I have to get something immediately off my chest. My community and the world community at large has been hit hard by suicide lately and the phrase I often hear is that it’s the “cowards way out”. When I hear this, I am instantly angered. Being someone that has struggled with suicidal ideation and self-harm, I know that is not the case. It’s not that we aren’t thinking of our loved ones because WE ARE. We think that they would be better off WITHOUT US. We think the whole world would be better off WITHOUT US. If you have never been in this state of mind it is IMPOSSIBLE for you to judge it. The only thing we wish to escape is the PAIN. The battle we fight every day in our minds. Some people may not know that there are resources out there to help them and think suicide is the ONLY answer. This stigma must END. It has to. In order to reduce the rate of suicide, we must have UNDERSTANDING, not JUDGEMENT.
I think I feel a little better, but this isn’t just about me. MILLIONS of people struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts. They just want the pain to end. They feel hopeless. They feel trapped. They don’t feel as if there is any way out of the deep, dark pit they have fallen into. They need someone to see their pain and point them in the right direction. They don’t need someone to judge them and tell them to “get over it” or tell them how many people have it worse than they do. Depression is not always about something going on in someone’s life. It can simply be a chemical imbalance that cannot be controlled. It can be from Bipolar Disorder or other mental illnesses. Judgment will only make it worse. Judgment will only make a person feel as if they have no other answer but to end their life because they have no one to turn to. That they have no one to understand.
I have held the gun to my head. I have held the knife to my wrist. I have cried and cried at the thought of leaving my girls behind thinking they would be better off without me. That my boyfriend wouldn’t have to deal with someone that from time to time climbs in bed, puts the covers over her head and shuts everyone out. That no one would have to deal with someone that could conquer the world one day and unable to get out of bed the next. That isn’t able to hold down a job because she is riddled with anxiety. Yet, I am still here. That boyfriend has taken me to seek out help. Those girls have held me and told me how much they love me. Every time, I have realized just how much I have and I have sought out the help I need, but not everyone has that support system. Not everyone lives in a judgment-free environment. I am lucky to be one of those people. Let’s try to be that for other people and try to end this stigma.