A Sample

I wanted to give you guys a little sample of my not-so-real writing. I have been working on this book for some time. I’m not sure if it will ever amount to anything, but I thought I’d give you a little taste and see what you thought. I haven’t actually written anything in a while. Any feedback is welcome. This book is currently only 97 pages long and this is only the beginning of the first chapter. Leave a comment telling me what you think about this:

Big dreams and big ideas. That should have been Taylor’s middle name. Thanks to the mental illness she was blessed with most of her life, Taylor had lots of big dreams and big ideas. Some of them were fruitful. Some of them, not so fruitful. The one thing that stuck was writing. She had always loved it, but over time she learned not only did she love it but she was good at it. She would learn this from countless English professors that praised her work.  She could take words, and not only have them make sense, but she could make them sound good. Of course, there were times when her writing would be more dramatic, more definitive. There were also times where she couldn’t write at all. Out of all the dreams she had Taylor always dreamed of being an author in New York City. It just seemed to be a place to write with the hustle and bustle and all its history. Maybe one day she would get there.

Taylor’s life had another plan for her. She would play the roles of wife, mom, daughter, sister, and aunt. She wondered if she could still do it at her age. If she could just pick and move to new york and start all over. She had written all of her life and yet she still hadn’t published a book. No manuscript that she ever wrote was ever approved by any publisher. It’s not that they were bad necessarily, they just weren’t what was in at the time or wasn’t what they were looking for. It always seemed that Taylor was on the outs with the publishing community, but she just knew she had it in to write the best damn book there could be. She knew she could do it. Some of them actually made sense. Some of them were stories. Stories that needed to be told. She knew she had a story that needed to be told. The story of her.

She knew her life wasn’t glamorous by any stretch of the imagination, but that what she had endured in her life was worth telling. It was worth shouting from the mountaintops. That she was handed a rotten deal, and all the while she kept playing the hand she was dealt. She tried to keep a smile on her face and she kept writing and kept writing. That is who Taylor is. She is a dreamer, a writer, and a fighter. She got that from her mom. She never dreamed her mom to be a fighter having given her up so many times growing up, but when cancer came calling her mom fought. She fought cancer four times. She eventually lost, but she fought until her very last breath. Neither did Taylor. Bipolar disorder knocked her down time and time again. One prescription wouldn’t work so she would have to try another. The illness would evolve so she would have to try another. The side effects would disable her so much she couldn’t even write her own name. She fought anyway. She was going to fight for her dreams and her writing, too.

Taylor knew living in New York City was never going to be easy, but she didn’t think that the hurdles she would have to climb to get there would be so tough. From her early teenage years, Taylor dreamed of living in New York City. She never dreamed of the experience it would be or the repercussions it would have in her life. She had been in New York just shy of a month now and she could still hear Brody’s harsh words. It was a tough choice to make, but she made the choice she thought she had to make. The choice that kept her life moving in a forward direction. A choice to do something she had wanted so badly for so many years and now at the age of 50 was finally able to pursue. She had dedicated herself to taking care of everyone else for so long she knew it was time to do something for herself. She felt she owed herself this one dream of long ago. It wasn’t easy living in New York City, but she was making it and if she let herself look past the regrets, she was loving it.

In her little studio apartment in Harlem, she had grown quite comfortable. It wasn’t the nicest place in the world but it is what she could afford. She had learned to love the neighborhood as well. Harlem was a community that shouted history and culture.  With all the nice restaurants and chances to listen to live jazz music, there was no wonder people continued to live here. Since she had been in New York she had already met a ton of friends and even some fellow authors. This was a place that was always hopping and there was always something to do. It was a big city, but it was easy to find people she connected with. They were the same type of people. They were businessmen, dreamers, writers and more. It was the place that people strived to be better than they were the day before and she was hellbent on being one of those people.

Still, Brody’s words repeated in her head. “You are going to go to New York City, a place I hate and leave me behind?” The answer she gave him wasn’t in words but in actions. She turned and walked away. She packed her things and proceeded to get the money together to make the move possible. She was going with or without him. It was her dream and no one was standing in her way. Her children, Madison and Alyssa, were grown now, there really was no better time for a little excursion to the Big City. She gave him the option of going and he chose not to. He chose not to support her, he chose not to be there. She chose to leave for a chance to find herself once more, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she had done something terrible. The feeling that she would regret this choice for a very long time, but she was determined to make the best of it. She wanted to find those passions she had been in such desperate need of for so long. To write in an environment she has never written in before in hopes of some grand inspiration. This was her time and she wasn’t about to waste it thinking about things that could’ve or should’ve been. She loved him, but she had to love herself a little bit more. That was the hardest thing she ever had to do.

Brody knew why she had to go but it didn’t make it any easier. He wanted to go with her, but every time he thought of that big city his palms got sweaty and his chest grew tight. It just wasn’t something he could do. He had always had her back and been incredibly supportive, but he just couldn’t this time. This time it meant sacrificing a part of himself he wasn’t sure would survive after such a journey. He missed her dearly. He wanted to be by her side. Anxiety kept him right where he felt comfortable. It kept him away from her and he knew that eventually, that would have to change. He just didn’t know how. There probably wouldn’t be any convincing her to come home and living in New York City seemed impossible. The two of them were inseparable, but it seemed they weren’t as inseparable as he thought. Sometimes dreams are bigger than anybody. Sometimes dreams are worth fighting for.

They were at a point where they couldn’t see eye to eye anymore at least not entirely. Words were spoken they couldn’t take back. Actions were made by both of them and there wasn’t anything that they could undo. All they could do was move on. Taylor knew she had to move on. She had to learn to navigate through the Big City all alone. She had to pretend she wasn’t dying inside without him by her side. If she was to succeed and find the inspiration she was after, she would have to celebrate without him. The thought terrified her.  Brody had to learn to live without her in the house that was built just for them. He had to take care of the dogs they both loved and continue a life he thought they both wanted. He had to face relatives every day that would ask where she was and when she was coming back. He had become a professional shrugger because he honestly didn’t know if or when she would ever come home. He was still riddled with anxiety every night when he laid down to go to bed without her. He just couldn’t believe it had all come to this.  Neither one would sacrifice for the other and so their lives had to continue on different paths after all these years. They were paths they weren’t sure would cross again. It was maddening and sad all at the same time and neither one of them knew if they’d survive it.

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